Chapter 1
“Seriously? Why do we always gotta do the good thing?” Jim asked.
“Cause it feels better. Plus it is literally our job.” Nathan replied simply. He looked over their cruiser as he opened the door. He stepped forward and put his hand on the top saying, “Now, ya comin’ or what? We can do our Bible study during the drive instead of at a table in Arby’s. No big deal.”
Jim sighed and walked toward the car, leaving Arby’s behind. “I think a roast beef in a comfortable seat would feel a hell of a lot better than another hour in a stinky cruiser next to you.”
“Language,” Nathan chastised with a smile. He handed the small purse over as Jim sat down. “Where does this adventure take us?” Nathan pulled the car into line at the drive thru as Jim opened the clasp. Jim jumbled with a silver tube and a comb as the purse fell open and he said, “Up to the Churchill edition to someone named Vicki Dreyfus. Ha, think any relation to Richard Dreyfus?”
“The actor?” Nathan asked. “No. You don’t recognize her? She’s been on the news with her husband a few times recently.” Jim shrugged so Nathan continued. “Well her husband, Reverend Michael Dreyfus, is a pastor at a church in the city. They aired some video of him yelling at some kids in the alley behind his church. They also showed some of his staff throwing homeless people out of a shelter the church helps fund.”
“Sounds like a real nice couple,” Jim cut in, sarcastically. “Why are we going out of our way to help them, again? I mean, that’s great that he’s a pastor but he can’t care that much if he’s literally kicking out homeless people, right?”
Nathan was quiet for a second as he thought. “That’s just what I saw on the news. When I went to look for any of the videos myself, they didn’t seem to be showing the same thing. Yeah, he yelled at the kids, but only to get them to stop spray painting on his church. The response from the church said he invited them in to talk. He even offered to help fund a local street mural for them to “show off their artistic talents”. I don’t know if he meant it but he seemed genuine from what I saw. The whole video was 30 or 45 seconds and the news showed only about 5 of that.
“Same thing with the homeless shelter. Yeah there’s a blurry video of someone throwing out a man, but that’s it. No interview about who it was that threw him out. Or why. Nothing. So, I don’t know what to think about it. And now, God put a chance for me to maybe meet him and decide for myself directly in my path. Sorry if I want to follow something that clear.”
“Whatever man, I’m just along for the ride. Gonna make it harder for us to do your Bible study though. Get me a double roast beef meal with Diet Dew,” Jim replied.
“Well, I’d love to help you, but I can’t hear your words over the glaring ridiculousness that is on your fingers.” Nathan replied. He motioned to Jim’s painted nails.
“What, don’t you like them?” Jim held his hand forward. “Rose did them for me.”
“YOU WILL ARRIVE AT YOUR DESTINATION IN 18 MINUTES” the female navigation voice chimed.
“It’s not that I don’t like them. Rose did excellent work. I just find them a little disrespectful, I guess, but you can do what you want to do.” Nathan replied.
“Disrespectful?” Jim replied. “How so?” He didn’t detect any malice in Nathan’s words. Nathan could be harsh at times, but he seemed to genuinely want the best for people. He wasn’t afraid to speak his mind but Jim thought it usually came from a place of love. They’d been partners for almost a year now and Jim had really opened up to him as he’d gotten to know Nathan better. Nathan was like that. It was easy to be yourself around him.
“Well, let’s think about the people around us. How do they see us? When we see little boys in the street, how do they see us?” Nathan asked.
Jim thought for a second and then replied, “I’m not sure, I guess. I hadn’t really considered it. How do you think they see us?”
“Well,” Nathan began, “I hope they look to me kind of like they might look to Captain America. Don’t laugh, I’m serious. I want the boys in town to look at me and see a hero. See someone who they trust is willing to help in a time of crisis. That is basically what my job description is and I want them to have that trust when they look at me.”
“Man, you take this job way more serious than I do,” Jim replied, speaking through a mouthful of food. “You want your sandwich or fries first?” he asked, motioning to the open bag.
“Give me them both. And I don’t think of what we do as a job, really. For me, it’s more of a calling. A mission. You can’t tell me you’re here because of the pay. No, you’re here because you want to help. So, how you behave should reflect that to others. How you act both on and off the clock. What you do reflects on not just yourself but, on our entire police force. I know there’s only a dozen of us but still. What are you trying to say with your painted nails? Nails that will be seen by everyone you come in contact with today.”
“I don’t know, that I had a fun time with my daughter, maybe?” Jim replied.
“Maybe,” Nathan replied. “Yeah, that’s true. And if that’s what everyone saw and thought, that would be a great thing. That’s a noble thing, to reach out in love to spend time with your daughter and have your nails painted. But let me ask you something. And consider it seriously. Do you want your daughter’s future husband to have his nails painted at their wedding?”
Jim didn’t even have to think. He immediately responded, “No. Absolutely I do not. I would have a really hard time with that.”
“Why?” Nathan asked.
“Man, I don’t know,” Jim replied. He was starting to get a little exasperated but knew that Nathan wouldn’t let it go once he got on a topic. His only hope was in arriving at Mrs. Dreyfus’ house. He glanced at the GPS and groaned inwardly at the 17 minutes of expected drive time left. Well, better to get it over with I guess. Nathan had tried to dodge these conversations in the past but had quickly learned that Nathan didn’t let up once he got going. He didn’t stop until he’d made his point and I guess he hadn’t gotten there yet.
“Seriously, why does that idea bother you?” Nathan asked, his tone lightly serious.
“Alright, well I hadn’t thought about it but if you’re going to make me figure it out I’ll see if I can talk through it. Because I don’t feel bad about having my nails painted, but yes I would have a hard time with that. Because at that point it would be taking attention away from my daughter. Her wedding day should be about her and I’d be seeing her husband stealing some of her light and beauty. Nail polish seems designed to enhance beauty and beauty seems to be an accepted trait of women, not men. Men are not described as beautiful, they are handsome. So, yeah. That’s why it would bother me, I think.”
Nathan sat thoughtfully for a moment, considering Jim’s words. After a moment he said, “I don’t think I could have said it better myself. So, painted nails is purely a femine art. Did you teach that to your daughter when she was painting your nails today? That she should only use nail polish to enhance the natural beauty God has already given her?”
“Maybe not in those words, but I think we talked about it,” Jim replied.
“Well, I’m glad she got that lesson. I worry about the boy who we will inevitably see on our shift today. The boy who we agreed looks up to you like you’re a hero. And then he sees you have your nails painted and decides he wants to paint his too. He does something designed in our society for females. Do you think you are helping better the life of that boy?” Jim didn’t have an answer so he didn’t reply. He honestly hadn’t considered the public when he came to work.
“You’re right,” Jim replied after a minute. “Yeah, you’re right I should probably take this off.”
“I do think that would be best, but it’s up to you. I’m not going to control you, but I think you should. Plus, how does you having painted nails reflect Christ in any way? From how I see it, your nails pull attention away from Christ. There may very well be some in our community who might be driven to anger or rage because of your nails.
“But, that being said, maybe God can use them for good tonight. Can you imagine some hardened criminal who we have to chase down; some evil, strong, powerful masculine dude who you and I take down together, right? And as he’s got his head against the ground, struggling but overpowered, he realizes he’s beaten. And the last thing he sees before we put him in cuffs is that he got taken down by a dude with painted nails!”
Jim burst out laughing and a jovial feeling filled the cruiser as they continued driving, quietly eating their meals. A modern rendition of Be Thou My Vision was playing and Nathan was humming along. Jim thought back to his past year on the force and felt truly blessed to be partnered with Nathan. Most of the time, that is. When he wasn’t saying crazy things, Jim enjoyed is company. And he actually enjoyed the crazy things too. They had shared quite a few conversations most people would consider crazy. Talking about angels helping and demons trying to control us. Lots of deeply spiritual discussions, but that was mostly because of Nathan’s history and faith.
Nathan had asked Jim for some help keeping him accountable to his sobriety. They had agreed to weekly check ins over a meal, usually just before their shift started. Nathan had struggled with substance abuse most of his life and thought it might be helpful to have an accountability partner. Jim was honored to be asked and the pair met weekly to discuss their struggles. Their one promise was honesty with each other and no judgement. They were there to help, hear confessions, bring light to some of the lies, and encourage each other in their faith. It is a lot easier to lie to yourself than it is to lie to someone else and having a person regularly ask about your sins can be pretty humbling.
Jim turned his attention out the window as, they drove through the streets of their small, mostly peaceful town. It was about 20 minutes from a larger city. Close enough to be part of things but far enough away that it still felt like a small town. They had a strong sense of community in their town of 12,000, a community that both Jim and Nathan were proud to be able to serve.
They followed the navigation as it led them down one of the few streets in town that had been hit by a recent wave of vandalism. There were several windows broken and boarded, but Jim found himself smiling to see the rainbow flags flying and Black Lives Matters signs still hanging on some of the intact windows on the second floor.
“The world is falling apart, man,” Nathan said as he looked down the street. “I truly think we might be living in the end times.”
Jim stared at Nathan and then let out a burst of laughter, trying not to spit out any curly fries. “What are you talking about, man?” Jim replied.
Nathan didn’t reply but just motioned to the row of rainbow flags lining the street. Jim was confused. “What? It’s pride month.” When Nathan didn’t reply, Jim started chuckling again. “Oh, that’s right, you don’t celebrate pride month do you?”
“No,” Nathan replied,“I save my energy for greed week, which, after blowing my budget on décor for envy eve is pretty easy to celebrate. This year, the end of greed week lines up perfectly with wrath day so I’ll be ready to really let loose.” Jim offered Nathan a sympathy chuckle for his bad joke.
“And why, pray-tell, don’t you get into the pride month thing?” Jim asked. He’d heard Nathan talk about it before but he still found it a little funny. Nathan was pretty chill and quiet about most things, but there were a few topics really got him riled up. And, for some reason that Jim hadn’t quite figured out, homosexuality in the church was one. Nathan was very firmly against it and Jim really didn’t see the issue.
Nathan looked over at Jim as they drove and said, very seriously, “Pride is not something to celebrate. I mean, you’re a church-goer. You get it, right?” He was staring straight at Jim, who became uncomfortable, but wasn’t really sure why.
“Well, yeah,” Jim began slowly. “But I guess I don’t see the problem with pride month.”
“Because it goes against what Jesus preached. Jesus preached to love others, to place other’s needs before your own. To die to self in service of others. Pride is the opposite of that. It is demanding worship of yourself by others. Asking others to forget themselves while they celebrate you.”
“Oh come on,” Jim replied. “It is not like that at all. Pride is just about asking others to accept you the way God made you.”
“And you really think God made them like that?” Nathan replied.
Jim felt himself getting more confident as he thought about the answer for a minute. “Yes, He did,” he replied simply. This was common knowledge, accepted by pretty much everyone. “Being gay isn’t a choice. It’s not something people try to do. It’s who they are. And if they are like that, God must have made them like that. Right?”
Nathan looked sadly back at Jim. “Well I’ll give you one thing,” he began. “You are right. God did make them that way. He made them perfectly then sent them into a fallen world, knowing they would become sinners. Just like you and me. Like all of humanity. I just don’t think God wants them to start celebrating the sinful behavior that is keeping them away from him.”
Jim didn’t know what to say, so he just kept silent while Nathan continued. “See, to me, being gay is kind of like smoking. I know that my smoking is unhealthy and therefore can’t be something good in the eyes of God, right? But I don’t think that God is going to send me to hell because I started smoking at a time in my life when I couldn’t comprehend how truly sinful and addictive nicotine can be. So now, I recognize my smoking is a bad, unhealthy behavior but one that my fallen body has become physically addicted to. And I know that God knows that I am sinning every time I light up. But I feel like I’ve come to terms with God about that. I trust in Jesus and I trust in God that my smoking is not going to send me to hell. But I don’t ask everyone at church to light up with me or accept me for my smoking, right? I don’t ask for a smoker’s month so everyone could celebrate my smoking. I don’t ask kids to smoke with me or teach kids about the benefits of smoking, right? You with me so far?”
Nathan paused, giving Jim a second to catch up. Jim thought for a second, then said, “I think I’m following. You’re saying smoking is sinful and should damn you to hell but you trust in Jesus for your salvation, right? So that proves my point though, right? Because Jesus died for all sins, not just a few. No sins are outside of what Jesus died for. And Jesus died for everyone, no matter what, right? So why not join them for pride month?”
Nathan’s eyes filled with sadness at Jim’s words. “Because Jesus dying is only half of it. It’s on us to accept his sacrifice and repent of our sins. That means you have to face your maker and admit that you are a sinful, flawed, failed human being. That seems like the opposite of what pride month wants you to do. God wants us to humble ourselves so we can accept the sacrifice of Jesus. Pride month wants you to stand up and celebrate yourself for nothing at all. And for others to celebrate with you. That to me is where the line is crossed.
“You can try to glorify yourself and turn away from God all you want. That is your choice and I can’t stop you. But when your actions demand others turn away from God with you, that’s when I have a problem. When you are demanding others celebrate you, demanding “representation” in media so we can make something wrong and unnatural look normal, when you are indoctrinating our kids with it through their books, TV, movies, music, and even in public schools, when you are demanding private companies celebrate you, hell when you are even demanding individuals worship you through virtue signals. Yeah, when you start to do that, I get upset.
“And I don’t even know where to go to fight it, you know? Like who do I complain to? Who do I talk to about taking down their rainbow flags so my children are not exposed to their ideas? What movies do I take my kids to that won’t expose them to that? And how difficult is it for me to explain what they are seeing in a way their young minds will understand? How do I show the depth of God’s love to a three year old? I don’t know man, it just all seems like too much.
“So yeah, I do what I can, which is not join in. I refuse. I object. And I object as openly and loudly as I can. I know it’s not much but I refuse to perpetuate their lie. And I pray the way I raise my kids will protect them.” The pair sat in silence for a minute, Nathan almost short of breath. He sighed and continued. “Sorry. I can get a little carried away, I know. You’ll see when you’ve got one of your own. How long we got? Three? Four months now?”
“Three,” Jim replied smiling. His wife, Emily, was at home, pregnant with their first child.
“That’s crazy. I can’t wait to meet the little guy,” Nathan continued. “Yeah, give it a few months and you’ll see. I’ll make sure you see. Alright I think this is the house.” The car pulled into the empty driveway. Nathan and Jim stepped out of the car and began walking toward the house. The lights were off and the curtains were drawn.
“Looks like nobody’s home,” Jim said somewhat quietly. He wasn’t sure why, it was 5:30 on a Tuesday evening. There were kids playing basketball loudly down the street, but for some reason he felt like he should be crouching and keeping out of sight. Something felt off as the two men walked up the three steps to the porch.
Nathan pushed the doorbell and then stepped back. There was no sound of anything moving inside and they waited in silence. Nathan made eye contact with Jim and said, “It’s almost too quiet, right?”
Jim gave a short nod but still wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong. Nathan was just putting up his hand to press the doorbell again when the crack of the deadbolt sliding open broke the silence. Jim almost let out a laugh when he realized he’d actually jumped. Nathan smiled as he met the eyes of a young man who now stood in the doorway.
He appeared to be in his early 20’s, though Jim couldn’t have guessed exactly. He was dressed all in black including a long-sleeve, thick, turtleneck sweater, which made Jim sweaty just looking at while feeling the 90 degree heat on his back. “Uh, can I help you officers?” he asked. The man looked caught off guard. His scared eyes moved between Jim and Nathan and the man kept adjusting his long, purple hair, pulling it behind his ear. He fidgeted in place, almost bouncing back and forth.
Nathan and Jim just stared at the man, letting the silence fill the air. After an uncomfortably long time, during which the young man bounced, chuckled, and smiled awkwardly, Nathan asked, “Yeah, is Vicki home?” Nathan thought he saw a glimpse of confusion on the young man, but it was quickly covered with a more genteel face as he started talking.
“Oh Aunt Vicki? She’s not here. Her and Pastor Mike went to the city for the night so I’m house sitting for them,” the man explained. He stared at them in silence for a moment while the men let the silence build. After a few more uncomfortable movements, the young man said, “Oh, I’m Calvin. I’m their nephew from the city. Is there any way that I can help you, I guess? Since she’s not here, maybe?”
Jim smiled to himself, knowing that Nathan was enjoying this. He had a knack for making people uncomfortable or catching people off guard, which happened to be a very useful skill in a profession where 95% of the people you work with try to lie to you. Constantly. So Nathan was very good at being just a little bit unsettling to people and Jim enjoyed watching his work. He tried to imitate it sometimes on his own, but he could never seem to have the sense of presence that Nathan had. Nathan tried to explain it but chalked up to being a spiritual gift that the Holy Spirit empowered in him and left it at that.
After another long pause, Nathan sighed and reached his hand back. Jim put the wallet into Nathan’s hand, who then raised it in between himself and Calvin. “We saw this on the ground in the Arby’s parking lot tonight. Have you heard anything from them about Vicki having dropped this?”
The young man’s face lit up, “Oh that’s right! I almost completely forgot about the wallet. Yes she called about an hour ago to tell me she’d lost it. Yeah, I just forgot I guess.”
“What did she say you should do about it?” Nathan asked.
“About what?” Calvin replied. He seemed confused by the question and gave a fleeting, almost scared look to Jim.
“Well about the wallet? Did she want us to take it back to the police station with us or leave it here with you?” Nathan asked.
“Right,” Calvin said, relief flooding his face. “Right, she said she’d want it left here. So I guess I can take that and you guys can be on your way?”
“Right,” Nathan began, “except that I don’t know you are who you say you are. Maybe you’re just a nosy neighbor and I’m leaving her wallet with a stranger?” The question hung over the group as they looked at each other in silence.
Calvin, visibly uncomfortable again, replied, “Well I suppose I could get you my wallet and show you who I am? Right?”
“That would help, yeah,” Nathan nodded, stepping forward and putting a hand on the door. The young man jumped, putting one hand on the frame and the other on the door, keeping Nathan from opening it any further. Nathan didn’t look surprised, but Jim felt his shoulders rise as he became more alert. Calvin didn’t look threatening, but Jim knew that could change in a heartbeat.
“Uh,” Calvin said, looking to his hand. He dropped it quickly and said, “It’s OK. You don’t have to come in. I’ll just go grab it and be right, back?”
He started stepping away from the door and into the house. “Stop,” Nathan said simply and sternly. “What’s that?” He pointed to a faint, red smudge on the door where Calvin’s finger had been.
Calvin leaned forward and looked more closely. “Huh, I guess I’m not sure. Can’t say I’ve seen that before.”
“Kinda looks like blood to me,” Nathan said simply. “Calvin, do you have any blood on you?”
Calvin held out his hands slowly and Jim saw for the first time a small amount of blood drying on the young man’s hands. Nathan stepped forward as Calvin dropped to his knees then fell to his side to lay on the carpeted floor in the fetal position, letting out a cry of despair. Now it was Nathan’s turn to be surprised. He nodded at Jim to keep an eye on Calvin as he stepped into the house.
“What can you tell me, man?” Jim asked gently, trying to get Calvin to open up. The young man just continued crying, head covered with his arms as he rocked on the floor. Jim almost felt sorry for him. He jumped as Nathan yelled out from inside, “Jim! Cuff him.”
Jim leapt into action, not questioning his partner’s judgement. Within seconds, Jim had Calvin handcuffed and looked in surprise as Nathan came to the door with the Dreyfus couple. They were holding cut ropes and had red lips from duct tape Jim assumed. The strangest part was the bloody bandage around Pastor Mike’s head.
“Looks like we get to go into work early tonight,” Nathan said. Jim sighed, realizing the mountain of paperwork he’d be doing for the next 4 hours.
As he walked Calvin toward their cruiser, Jim said, “I’m just going to go on record and say I suggested Taco Johns.”
Matthew Nath - Author 
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