Matthew Nath – Author

Welcome back for the third, and likely final, piece to my story.  It seems logical that there would be three parts to this.  One of the podcasts I listen to, especially early in my spiritual journey, The Lord of Spirits, occasionally mentions that three is the ideal structure.  Their episodes are all divided into three halves.  So welcome to my third half.

Jordan Peterson showed me my actions, both good and bad, caused a real, tangible impact to the world.  Robert Pirsig showed me that God was actively present in this world.  I needed to figure out how to deal with these truths.  I thought that I knew Christ, but he didn’t seem much like the “good” I saw in Prisig’s book, and he didn’t seem to care much about my guilt or my sins.  He already died for them, right?  Turns out, I just didn’t know Christ very well.

But, because I thought I already knew him, I started searching everywhere else. Over the course of about 2-3 months, I researched many other religions, actively sought out interviews and discussions from agnostic and atheistic scholars, and read as many different schools of thought as I could find. If God is real and present in his creation, he has to make himself known to us, right? He must have given us something to show us who he is.  Since I’d read a book with Zen in the title, that was the first place I looked.

I read the Tao-Te-Ching, and found it filled with partial truths.  It described “the Way” as a gentle, peaceful river carrying you through life.  If you paid attention to things around you and to the guiding Spirit in you, generally you could navigate a peaceful path through your life.  That path would guide you into choices that are easy, simple, peaceful, empty of anger or wrath; don’t hold onto the things of this world but use them to help; don’t hold grudges; forgive; etc.

I saw a lot of truths but nothing really to worship.  In his book, Pirsig had compared “the Way” to his “quality” and seemed to settle on worshiping that.  Some kind of amorphous quality that we can all identify naturally but can’t agree on.  I remembered Christ calling himself “the Way” so I re-read the book, substituting the person of Jesus Christ in place of “the Way” as I was reading.  And it fit pretty well.  From where I’m standing now that feels completely heretical, but at the time it helped me understand and appreciate Christ in a whole new way.

And that’s one thing I found through my studies.  From where I’m at now, there are a lot of practices and beliefs that would be huge steps away from Christ.  But for others who have drifted away, maybe that is a step up.  Easy example, I don’t think God’s love should ever be described as “reckless,” which means out of control and dangerous.  But for someone who doesn’t know Christ yet and finds the song “Reckless Love” catchy, maybe it’s a helpful step for them?  Does that mean I think we should sing it in church? Absolutely not, but the radio reaches a far wider audience and maybe that song will be able to help others step a little closer to Jesus.

Back to my journey.  And to be clear, this is a process that took at least a few weeks but not much longer than a couple of months.  During this time, we were still going to church every week and living our normal day to day lives. I was researching and listening on my own at night, slowly but steadily creeping back to Christ.  There did come a point where I recognized that Christ was my savior, though. Truly and fully.  When I finally repented of my sins and surrendered them the God, He cut away the weight of guilt I had been carrying.  Now, when I trust and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, He continually helps point me in the right direction.  I almost daily drift astray from His path, distracted by the doodlebugs of this world, but He gently guides me back over and over again.

I found the connection between Christ and the Tao interesting, but it wasn’t enough for me yet.  I looked into other religions a little, but they felt just as empty as Taoism.  Buddhism was just nihilistic suffering, Islam was always too forceful for me, Mormonism just added to what Christ had already done, Hinduism was just a bunch of created things, no claim to a creator or savior, and agnosticism or secular humanism didn’t work because I knew I couldn’t trust my own instincts.  The one I never gave any thought was Satanism because that seemed to be set up purely out of spite for Christianity.

I was at the end of the road, but I knew that God had to have given us something to know how to follow him.  The only thing I hadn’t looked at yet was the religion I grew up learning.  The religion I thought I already knew.  I don’t know why it took me so long, but I finally took seriously studying the claims of the Bible.

And what did I find?  The Truth.  I guess I am going to need one more week for my final thoughts.