Matthew Nath – Author

I’m gonna jump right in with this one because it feels disconnected from the rest of my testimony.  This is more a stand alone description of who I found when I actually looked at Christ and how He has changed my life.  I’ll continue walking through my testimony, especially as it relates to the two “truths” that I’ve shared.  Because I’m realizing now that those are only partially true.  But they both became fulfilled, at least for me, in Christ.

Growing up in the public school caused me to view secular sources as highly authoritative, for better or worse.  I started my search for Christ outside of the Bible in secular history.  It didn’t take me long to learn that all verifiable secular accounts corroborate that Christ existed in this world.  They denied his deity, but no religion, no secular history, and very few honest atheists even, deny the physical existence of Jesus Christ.

I finally appreciated that He actually, honestly lived on this planet.  I could go right now and walk in the footsteps of Christ if I wanted to.  Him living meant also that He actually suffered what He did.  He willingly put himself through torture for me.  For my sins.  (And for yours too.)  He is the creator of the universe, He didn’t have to do that.  But He did it so that we could be saved.  It still boggles my mind to this day.

In a way beyond what I’ll ever understand, Christ died to take away my sins.  That weight of guilt I was carrying was unnecessary.  Christ had already taken it away.  It was a lie trying to pull my attention away from higher and better things.  Don’t misunderstand me, my sin is real and has had real world consequences that continue to affect me to this day, but I don’t need to carry it.  I just need to be reminded of that at times.  Reminded that the weight doesn’t need to be mine.  Christ already gave His life for that sin, and He gladly accepts it so I can continue to serve His Kingdom in love.

And that’s where the second “truth” is fulfilled.  God being “good” and actively present in the world is easily explained with the out pouring of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost.  It had been prophesied in Ezekial that God will “…put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to observe my ordinances.”  God is with us all the time, actively working in the world through His church.  Performing my work well is me participating in God’s work in this world.  It’s me literally being the good.

Christ is in me, and He wants to work through me. He will give me what I need to perform His will.  All I needed to do was surrender and follow.  I say that like it’s nothing, but that’s been one heck of a journey.  It’s tough to give up things you’ve found comfort in. It can be scary to step into something new, asking God to use your life for His glory.  But I’ve found that it is so worth it, so long as you try to do the job well, whatever that means to you.

And no matter how hard you try, you really can’t get away from it. To circle back to Jordan Peterson, where this all started.  At his recent show, Jordan talked about the fact that we all have a conscience that lets us know when we’ve done wrong.  We can try to run from it, try to drown it out, try to deny it, to ignore it, to justify it, but it’ll always come back.  Like one of the dozens of monsters in the slasher movies I used to love.  No matter how many times you stabbed Jason Vorhees, you knew he’d be back.  Our conscience isn’t like that though.  It is gentle and quiet, but ever present and persistent.  I’m reminded of the monster in “It Follows,” actually.

You know when you’re doing good work and when you’re doing bad work.  Try to do good work.  Try to do the things you are already doing a little bit better.  That’s it. That’s how it started for me.  The first thing I was trying to do better was my marriage, and that forced me to come to terms with how I was acting as a father, a man, and as the head of our household.  Was I leading us toward Christ?

Are you?

Do you honestly even know?

Thanks again for taking the time to read all of this.  It’s been a journey for me and I pray that it has been helpful for you as well.  I’m happy to discuss any of these ideas or issues further.  If you’ve got questions, reach out to a fellow Christian that you know and talk these things out.  If you don’t know any others, you’ve got one right here so there’s really no excuse!  Let those conversations be worshipful fellowship and who knows how God will use that.